Speaking up for myself
Watch these videos where young people talk about how they learned to speak up for themselves as they grew older.
Communication styles
As you start taking on more responsibility, it’s important to speak up for yourself. Sometimes, it can be tough to explain what you need or to ask for help. Communication difficulties tend to come across in two ways. They can be either passive, or aggressive:
Passive:
- Passive communication is when you don’t share how you really feel. This can make you feel misunderstood and ignored, like no one listens to you or values what you have to say.
Aggressive:
- Aggressive communication is often rude and doesn’t consider the other person’s feelings. Someone who communicates aggressively might interrupt, not listen, put others down, or get angry and frustrated easily. They might feel the need to always win or shout and argue to express their thoughts.
Neither of these styles of communication are particularly helpful. Being passive makes it hard to get what you need, while being aggressive can push people away and leave you feeling isolated.
What is Assertive Communication?
But there is a third way of communicating called assertive communication. Communicating assertively means you can express what you need, want, feel or believe in a direct, open and honest way that is respectful of other people.
The Benefits of Assertive Communication
- It allows you to set boundaries and articulate your needs while maintaining positive relationships.
- It is less stressful. It is far easier if the two people are involved work together to solve a problem.
- It minimises conflict by allowing you to express your point without upsetting others or becoming upset yourself.
- It fosters better, clearer, respectful, and mutually trusting and safe relationships between people.
Assertiveness May be Helpful
- When asking others to help.
- When saying no if someone is asking too much of you.
- When contacting services and supports to ask for help.
- If you have a complaint that needs to be addressed.
- When you feel you aren’t getting what you need.
How to Communicate Assertively
Assertiveness can come naturally for some, while others might find it challenging. You might be assertive at home but struggle with it in other situations, like talking to a doctor. Fortunately, assertiveness is a skill you can learn and improve. Each time you practice, your confidence will grow.
When trying to be assertive, there are some things that it can be helpful to bear in mind:
- Be polite but firm.
- Assertiveness is not just about what you say; it’s also about how you say it—your voice, gestures, facial expressions, and posture. Maintain eye contact, stand tall, and keep a relaxed expression. Speak at a normal volume, avoiding extremes like shouting or whispering.
- Deliver your message calmly and in a controlled manner. Use a strong calm voice, try not to speak too quickly, and remember to take deep breaths.
- In challenging conversations, use ‘I’ statements. Start sentences with ‘I’ to express your perspective clearly. For example, say “I disagree” instead of “You’re wrong.”
- Don’t hint. Clearly state your needs, concerns, and how your health professional can assist you. For instance, say “I need more information about the surgery so I can recover better” or “I need advice on mobility aids to help manage my energy for college,” instead of just saying “I need more help.”
- Tell the other person how you feel as honestly as you can and remember to listen to what they say as well.
- Every situation is unique, so stay flexible and open-minded when resolving issues. You can assert yourself while also being respectful and willing to compromise if necessary. The goal of assertive communication is to find solutions that benefit everyone involved.